Panic Contra Logos

Maybe it's a consequence of too much depth psychology, but I now have a burned-in image of a sun inverting its colours in the sky, turnign from sickly late-afternoon haze-giver to uncanny and terrifying abcess in the sky. The sun, of course, symbolizes logos, the rational mind, the father-principle, the ascent of consciousness, the mechanizable world of daylight, effort, toil, heat, advancement, the capcaity to do work, clear sight and all that. In this dream I was playing the role of unwitting patriarch, and immediately after the sun's inversion, my "family" fell apart into a shit-fest of fear, weeping, unexplained illnesses, sudden albinism, disappearances and secrets. And I keep thinking about it. Correlating this with my life: I think I've reached the burn-out point. I can't see any reason to continue at this university. I can't read papers and crunch out canned responses to canned questions any more. (I mean this strictly in the sense of inability right now; In a few weeks I'l lbe back at it in the library.) There is precious little my analytical mind can do for me right now. Philosophy of mind is a hopeless confused mess, sustaining a saturation of idiot Ph.Ds. Evolution is cleverer than we are, and there's no effort at design there. You don't choose to be a creativer peson: it imposes itself on you. You don't chosse to see visions: they come from below. To go anywhere now I have to turn to my intuitive side, and I suck at that side. I was not a strager to it in childhood, but years of classroms, drills, lines of cursive handwriting, arithmetic, slide rules, tetris, HTML, astronomy, RPGs, real-time strategy, action figures, cars and trucks, Rubik's cubes, algebra, biology, chemistry and wire-tracing knocked it back. It's still trying to stand straight.

Consider: "For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals. Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination. We learned to talk and we learned to listen."